Someone out there is a f*king genius.  “Here’s an idea.  Let’s stray away from just hiring hot chicks to pose in front of these cars.  Why don’t we go out and hire a bunch of strippers who are willing to dance on poles during their breaks and dike out with the other strippers.  Will that increase our audience?”

You’re damned right it will.  I wish the U.S. was this clever with their car shows.  You get guys to drool and all of a sudden the price of that Corvette doesn’t really matter now does it?  Especially when a hot chick with barely any clothes on is licking the dashboard.

Man this is awesome.

Pictures uploaded by cynikill

Nothing says “Great Car” like a chick in a bikini draped all over one.  I don’t quite know what car show this is, and frankly it’s not a very big concern of mine.

It’s just nice to know that this industry will probably never die.  If gasoline cars eventually fail, it will be hot chicks draped over electric cars.  If the entire car industry fails, it will be hot chicks draped all over something.  No matter what it is, there will always be room for a hot chick to be draped over any kind of inanimate object.

And that’s what our country is all about.  You want a scantily clad woman posing with scrambled eggs?  You got it.  You want her to insert raw eggs somewhere?  You got it.  I love America.

Pictures uploaded by Alloy Banana

So it’s nice to be a hot chick in Toronto eh? Eh? EH? I’d imagine when these chicks aren’t posing in front of cars they are getting a very large amount of attention from Maple Leaf Heads and Argonauts fans.

I tell you something though. It would be nice to cozy up next to one of these hotties in front of a warm, roasty fire. That and to see what it’d be like if they were in a porn scene doing a reverse cowgirl anal. Ok, wait, if they were doing a reverse cowgirl anal in a car.

You know the funny part in all of this? There’s definitely a ton of average looking dudes in Canada who get to bang girls like this all the time. I’m imagining they all grew up having no clue how hot they really were. Porn really needs to make it’s way into Canada.

Pictures uploaded by Bstahls

If this first person isn’t an indication of the caliber of talent of women at car shows then I don’t know what is. I’m 99% sure I’d give up one testicle for one week of being able to go down on this chick. Are you kidding me? She could take a dump in a glass and feed it to me and I’d eat it like it were Haagen Dazs if I could bang her.

I mean is that what we might as well make this article about? What I’d do to have sex with some of the Importfest girls? Might as well. I would wax my inner ass to lick the ass of one of these ladies. I would kill six high school teenagers for a chance at anal with one of these ladies.

I would listen to polka music for one year in a damp cell to get a blow job from one of these ladies. Actually I’d rather just jerk off but it’s fun writing these things.

Pictures uploaded by ksaun photo

So you see a porn and you love that it’s starring Eva Angelina or Audrey Bitoni. Whatever floats your boat. But have you noticed that many a times, big time pornstars started off doing really nasty gigs? You never would think that some of them star in piss videos and stuff that is highly more degrading than mainstream stuff.

Just like in porn, it would appear that the women in car shows must be paying their dues. I’m not sure what these women are aspiring to be, but it’s gotta be more than the leg spreading and lesbian tendency shows they’re doing now.

Or maybe not. Maybe they are looking to do porn in which case I’m all for it. Get after it ladies!

Pictures uploaded by Primo Calabrese

I mean why get all excited about some Harley Rally from over a year ago right? Why bother posting something like this right? Wrong. Interesting in normal yet hot looking chicks spraying water all over themselves?

Yeah, this would be the right place. Interested in seeing chicks who would probably give you time of day and have sex with you that night? You’ve reached the right place. Like chicks bending over? Check.

Like imagining all these things and then realizing they’re 100% far from the truth yet I put this thought into your head so the next time you go out you will get completely taken for a ride?

And how about these run on sentences huh?

Pictures uploaded by eisenbahn9

Well here we are at yet another car show with yet even more convention models. This one was held in Long Beach. I’m really starting to like my job. Find hot chicks, write whatever I want about them, hopefully get a few visitors here and there, make a little cash.

Although could I be a professional masterbater? Is that a real life profession? Like could I work for Vivid or Anabolic Productions, sit in a room somewhere and basically “test out” every new video? I could judge videos by the sessions I just had.

Kind of like the role Tom Hanks had in the movie Big only with porn. Porn Movie tester guy. The point of this is nothing. But I would like to see these car chicks in said skin pictures.

Pictures uploaded by joits

Why us Americans don’t hire strippers to play with each other on cars at car shows is a complete mystery to me. I’m not asking for them to get naked but it’d be helpful if they could put on some kind of nice show for a little bit.

Here in the U.S. all we really have are chicks standing like statues. Maybe if we got a little activity us men would be more inclined to make a purchase.

Perhaps if there were more to the term “Hummer” at the dealership, sales would be a little higher these days instead of Ford having to sell that brand.

It ain’t hard to market when you’ve got sexy women sprawled out on pieces of machinery to distract all the men. They should also have hot chicks at gas stations so people won’t mind the cost of gas as much. Thanks for your time.

Pictures uploaded by smoky3 and primocalabrese