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Rumours are saying Holly Madison is leaving Hugh Hefner for magician Criss Angel.  Unless Angel can magically please her vagina, this is a bad move.  I mean I guess it makes sense to leave an 80 year old man when you know you can’t take his money.  Winner: Hugh Hefner for banging her all these years and not giving her a cent.

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Is it this apparent? Do we men just find any excuse at all? What other fetishes can we come up with? Is the thought of a hot steel rod in a chicks hand all it really takes? Do we really have this much inadequacy about our penises that we have to see chicks holding guns?

What size gun will it take to turn us on? Do we need to see a bazooka? Something that’s over a foot to make up for our 5 inch peckers? I don’t know how but in some way there will be a wallet fetish. Or even a pen fetish. I can see it now. Hot chicks with bics.

Seriously, is there no limit? Has anyone seen gun insertion? Now that would be interesting.

Pictures uploaded by gatsbye53

Click on the photo to see the giantness that is Francoise

This bra is doing it’s absolute best to hold in the humongous blasts that are ready to explode. Man I love this chick.

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So if you were paying any attention in June of this year you could have been watching the Miss Hawaiian Tropic Contest. Personally I have better things to do than to completely torture myself with the knowledge that the closest I’ll ever get to these women is by trying to touch their 2 dimensional bodies on paper.

I’m just kidding man. Don’t you know I’ve been with all of these women? I’m their manager. I’m a total liar and a horrible human being. That’s right. I’m the asshole. I’m the asshole in the place?

Tell me something man. Where do all the high school girls hang out around here? This is what happens when you have writer’s block. You start spitting out lines from movies. Hope you liked it.

Picture uploaded by conrado4

OK so let me get this straight.  You’re an attractive female and for the most part you’ve been used to getting your own way because you’re hot.  You’re generally not accustomed to paying for drinks and even having to carry your school books.  When you’re speeding you can get out of tickets because of sweet talking policemen.

When you get to college however, you generally have to pony up some cash to go on Spring Break (usually the parents will pay but she’s still spending someone’s money).  But now?  Now the majority of you hot girls aren’t even paying to go get drunk and party.

You’re being paid to get drunk and party?  I think I’ve had it with the privileges of hot chicks.  I’m 99% sure that a gorgeous white chick in America has an easier life than anyone.  “But guys are always coming on to me and I’m so self conscious!”

Shut the fuck up.  You’re hot and everyone does shit for you.  You are the luckiest human beings on earth.  Now pour me a drink and here’s some more of my money.

Pictures uploaded by PlayboyU

Lets take these two for example. Girl on the right? Classic hair covering face shot which signifies a couple of things. One, she MUST have done anal in her life. Two? She must have done anal in her life. As for the girl on the left? I’m convinced she’s a little bottom heavy otherwise she wouldn’t be wearing loose pants. I’m also in denial because in reality she has a sick body and I’m jealous I don’t get to squeeze her virgin.

Here’s a random thought about a girl featured below. You know a girl has gigantic cans when one of them is being fondled and the left one manages to take a life of its own. Seriously that breast could easily start a colony somewhere and provide milk for the entire village for at least the first year of that colony’s existence.

And how about your classic Mardi Gras girls. Pretty? No. Not pretty at all. I’ll tell you though…a nasty drunk chick would truly make my Mardi Gras. Imagine being in New Orleans, you’re not getting any ass, it’s about 5Am and bang, any one of these chicks appears. Life has suddenly taken on new meaning hasn’t it?

Photos uploaded by a Flickr User who is no longer there

Click on the photo to see her topless

And yet another woman who isn’t American that is making our country look bad.  Sofia happens to come from Greece where I assume they don’t eat much McDonald’s either.

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So yeah, they could have gone with the normal sized bikinis.  They could have covered up and been “appropriate.”  But is this America?  Is this the freedom to express yourself?  Is this the ability to make me “finish” in my own pants before even having physical contact?

No. Hells no.  And this is why these women are such wonderful creatures.  They believe in America.  They believe in wearing bathing suits that they found in the “Little Ms.” department.  And I sure as hell don’t see anyone complaining with the exception of other women who aren’t half as attractive who usually say “that girl’s such a slut.”

And why does that happen?  Could it be jealousy and the fact that the whiners are the exact women who would look completely rancid in bikinis like this?  Um yeah.  So wear the small suit.  Let the nipples almost come out.

Bust through your shirts like there’s no tomorrow.  This is America damnet.

Pictures uploaded by bikinilover

Click on the photo to see Kyla Cole and many others

I don’t know who Kyla Cole is and frankly it doesn’t mean much to me. I just know that there’s a lot of oil in that picture and oil is a very good and noble thing.

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